I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You are a genius and a whore.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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