They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
