it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
