she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
