Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
