I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
