some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
