i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
