dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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