how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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