i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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