The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
