well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
