all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
