oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
