her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
