is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
