He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
