Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
