New low: just hacked my moms facebook
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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