you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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