Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
