Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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