my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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