What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
