Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
