Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
