fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
