I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
