I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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