I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
