she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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