I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
