I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
