I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
