someone threw a dead crab at me
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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