Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
