I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
