I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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