We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
