Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
areolas are like halos for boobs.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
