I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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