Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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