im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
COCAINE IS GR8
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