I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
