I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
