so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
