i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
