Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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