So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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