her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
