Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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